00:33.0
Along with general dentistry,
00:35.0
Dr. Capilong specializes in cosmetic dentistry,
00:39.0
including teeth whitening, bonding,
00:41.0
dental veneers, and surgical crowns.
00:44.0
Whether it's urgent care or preventive treatment,
00:47.0
she'll take care of you and your smile.
00:50.0
To schedule an appointment,
00:52.0
call the clinic at area code 323-257-7582.
00:58.0
This episode is brought to you by ABBA eServices.
01:02.0
And the podcast will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:08.0
Ladies and gentlemen,
01:09.0
live at Paco's place, first time,
01:12.0
actually first podcast,
01:19.0
Thank you, thank you.
01:20.0
Why does that last name sound so familiar?
01:22.0
How come we didn't go by Jason Palomar Fresnedi?
01:29.0
I think it's a formality thing.
01:31.0
I feel like Jason Fresnedi just being the tunic
01:35.0
because legally, as all Filipinos do,
01:37.0
you know, you have many, many names
01:39.0
and it's based off, you know,
01:40.0
the Catholicism and the tradition.
01:42.0
How many names do you have?
01:45.0
It's Jason Rose Palomar Fresnedi
01:47.0
where Palomar is my mother's maiden name.
01:50.0
And so to go by that is a bit of a mouthful.
01:52.0
And so I just stick the ends.
01:54.0
It becomes Jason Fresnedi.
01:57.0
Your mom's not saying anything about that.
01:59.0
You know, your mom and dad are competitive, right?
02:01.0
As long as it shows up on the college diploma,
02:04.0
on the high school diploma,
02:07.0
By the way, for those of you who don't know,
02:09.0
we had our special guests,
02:12.0
Mr. Georgia Fresnedi
02:14.0
and Ms. Rodora Palomar Fresnedi.
02:18.0
You are the first son, the second son,
02:22.0
Very important distinction.
02:23.0
I'm the only son.
02:24.0
Only son and you have sisters?
02:27.0
So two older sisters.
02:29.0
I'm a good bit away from them as well.
02:32.0
They're eight and six years older than I am.
02:33.0
So I'm the youngest child and the only son.
02:36.0
Youngest child, only son.
02:39.0
Pretty much 10 years,
02:41.0
you're considered only son,
02:45.0
So did it feel that way growing up?
02:47.0
Like an only child?
02:51.0
Only so much as practical things.
02:53.0
By the time I was 10 years old,
02:55.0
my oldest sister left to college.
02:58.0
And then at 13, we moved
03:00.0
and my second sister finished high school,
03:04.0
And so practically, I was an only child
03:06.0
in that I lived at home and I was alone.
03:09.0
But it's not like my sisters weren't present.
03:12.0
They still called us.
03:13.0
They still visited every time they could.
03:15.0
And so I saw them
03:16.0
and they were a good part of my life growing up.
03:19.0
But it was fun being alone in the house
03:21.0
with my parents for the years that I was in high school,
03:24.0
late middle school.
03:25.0
Now here, your demeanor,
03:27.0
the way you talk,
03:31.0
you're articulate.
03:33.0
I wanted to find out.
03:36.0
So your sister left when you were 10 for college
03:40.0
and practically when you're 13 or 14,
03:42.0
your other sister left for college,
03:47.0
leaving you alone with mom and dad.
03:51.0
When your eldest sister left,
03:53.0
oh, oh, this is how it's gonna be.
03:58.0
You had a four-year preparation to be only child
04:01.0
and to take advantage of the fact that,
04:02.0
oh, it's just me, mom, and dad.
04:05.0
What was going through your head?
04:07.0
Honestly, you don't register those things
04:10.0
when you're younger.
04:11.0
It's more so you see your older sister leave
04:14.0
and you're a bit excited
04:15.0
because then you get to start using her things.
04:17.0
You start to get the PlayStation to yourself.
04:20.0
You start to look at her room
04:23.0
maybe I can use this room for things.
04:25.0
And if you're my mom,
04:26.0
it's like, oh, maybe I can put my shoes in this room.
04:28.0
But you don't register those things
04:31.0
until much, much later when it hits you
04:33.0
that she was the person
04:35.0
that took me out to go get food
04:37.0
and she was the person
04:38.0
that would walk me to bus stops
04:39.0
and bring me home candy if she was out.
04:41.0
And so I did begin to miss her
04:44.0
in the years where I was prepping
04:45.0
to be quote-unquote an only child.
04:49.0
But it wasn't until my second sister had left
04:51.0
and that I was really alone
04:52.0
that I realized that
04:55.0
having siblings in the house
04:57.0
made it a much louder, livelier place.
05:01.0
You know what you just said is so,
05:03.0
that's like a hindsight moment, right?
05:06.0
Because we tend to take our siblings for granted.
05:11.0
Until you're the only one eating cereal
05:15.0
or when you go home from school,
05:17.0
no one's bugging you and it's quiet.
05:21.0
And you discovered something on the internet
05:24.0
and you wanna go,
05:25.0
hey, look, take a look at this.
05:28.0
Like it's just me
05:30.0
and the sad music in the background, right?
05:33.0
Those are the things that people,
05:34.0
that kids tend to forget.
05:36.0
And when you realized this,
05:40.0
did it make you want
05:42.0
to reach out to your siblings more
05:44.0
or nah, just deal with it?
05:50.0
I feel like because our age gaps
05:52.0
were so far apart,
05:54.0
the emotional range of reaching out
05:57.0
with a sort of intent and with a genuine
06:02.0
outlook and anticipation of seeing them
06:05.0
didn't come until I was already doing it myself
06:08.0
and I was leaving for college
06:09.0
and it was like I missed you guys
06:10.0
when I was 12, 13, 14
06:12.0
and now I'm 18 and it doesn't matter.
06:16.0
Because at the time it's more like
06:18.0
they get to do their own thing,
06:19.0
I get to do my own thing
06:20.0
and you grow up as your own people.
06:22.0
But with that age gap
06:24.0
for my family being so big,
06:27.0
we really became separate for a few years
06:30.0
where I'm coming into my own as a teenager
06:32.0
and those two have gone off to college
06:34.0
and it was when I was 18
06:37.0
going to college on my own
06:39.0
where we really became friends as siblings
06:41.0
because we were all technically adults.
06:45.0
And I feel like that's similar
06:46.0
with a lot of people
06:47.0
who have older and younger siblings
06:48.0
where you finally meet in the middle
06:50.0
maturity-wise in the life stage.
06:53.0
Now, did you guys ever practice the ate-ate?
06:58.0
You know, the Filipino culture.
07:00.0
This is ate, this is ate.
07:02.0
And you're the youngest
07:03.0
so you don't have any say kinda.
07:06.0
Yeah, we did actually.
07:08.0
Our family, my two older sisters
07:11.0
are both very smart.
07:12.0
They're very good at what they do
07:13.0
and they're very competitive.
07:16.0
And so my oldest sister was at the Jessie
07:18.0
and my second sister's at the Julian.
07:21.0
But after a certain period
07:23.0
only at the Jessie got called ate.
07:26.0
And it was because she would look at Julian
07:28.0
and look at him and be like,
07:30.0
And it's because she was ate to Julian
07:32.0
and she was ate to me.
07:33.0
So to both of us, she's ate
07:35.0
but Julian was only ate to me.
07:38.0
And so you get this moment
07:41.0
well, she's the biggest one.
07:44.0
Because she's eight years older
07:45.0
and she's two years older than my other sister
07:47.0
she was always the biggest one
07:48.0
when we were growing up.
07:49.0
And she was imposing and she was scary.
07:52.0
And so if she told me,
07:54.0
I'm ate, she's not ate.
07:58.0
I guess she's just Julian.
08:00.0
To this day, we still use the honorific.
08:04.0
and we both call her ate.
08:05.0
And we just acknowledge that
08:06.0
even if we do call her Julian,
08:08.0
it's not a sign of disrespect
08:09.0
but it's more in the way
08:11.0
that Filipino nicknames work.
08:12.0
It's just a reflection of your family's dynamic.
08:17.0
It's a funny story that you tell
08:18.0
because of the fact that
08:20.0
your family was weird and quirky
08:22.0
growing up, that's all.
08:24.0
Now when you guys talk,
08:25.0
did you find out that
08:26.0
when you became an adult,
08:28.0
you suddenly had a voice
08:31.0
around the family table?
08:33.0
Like the dinner table?
08:35.0
No, no, no, it's like this.
08:37.0
And everybody just stops
08:38.0
and listen to your opinion or
08:45.0
I feel like I grew up
08:46.0
in a very atypical household that way.
08:50.0
Our relationship with our parents
08:52.0
has always shocked people
08:54.0
when we tell them.
08:55.0
And it's because our parents
08:56.0
have never really treated us like children
08:58.0
or like we were their children,
09:02.0
It's not like they had
09:03.0
no expectations of us, right?
09:04.0
Expectations exist in the form
09:06.0
you have to do well in school,
09:08.0
you have to try what it is
09:09.0
you aspire to be.
09:11.0
But more in the sense that
09:12.0
they never babied us intellectually.
09:17.0
dinner table conversations,
09:19.0
if the conversation was,
09:20.0
I remember when the recession hit,
09:23.0
I was, because this is 2007, 2008,
09:28.0
what year was I born?
09:29.0
I'm barely eight, nine years old.
09:32.0
I'm barely eight, nine years old
09:34.0
and having to ask them,
09:35.0
what's the recession?
09:37.0
And them not shying away from it.
09:38.0
It's like they explained it.
09:39.0
They explained what banks were doing,
09:41.0
how that came down.
09:43.0
And being able to chip in
09:46.0
in whatever way a child can
09:48.0
in the sense that
09:49.0
you ask questions like,
09:53.0
And obviously that framework grows.
09:54.0
But you ask questions like that
09:55.0
and they were never afraid
09:59.0
and the knowledge
10:00.0
the way it was meant to be used
10:01.0
in the quote unquote adult world.
10:04.0
And so when dinner table conversations happen,
10:06.0
everyone kind of has an equal say
10:09.0
in what that matter is intellectually
10:12.0
and then obviously it gets trumped experientially
10:15.0
by whatever our parents have lived through.
10:17.0
You know that's nice, no?
10:18.0
It gets trumped experientially.
10:25.0
So experience really,
10:28.0
well experience and intellect
10:30.0
supersedes pure intellect.
10:34.0
I think the one interesting thing
10:36.0
about growing up young
10:37.0
and with access to so much information.
10:39.0
Don't we all grow up young?
10:45.0
That's a good point.
10:46.0
That's a really good point.
10:47.0
I was born at a very young age too, you know.
10:51.0
Okay, go, go, go.
10:53.0
I think growing up
10:54.0
in the age of the internet,
10:56.0
in the digital age
10:57.0
and growing up with access
10:58.0
to so much information
11:00.0
means that young people now
11:03.0
tend to come out of their formative years,
11:05.0
whether that's like 13, 14, 15, 16,
11:09.0
and in a good way.
11:10.0
It's like these kids are reading material
11:13.0
and substantiating all their facts,
11:15.0
all their arguments with facts.
11:18.0
Yeah, on the internet.
11:19.0
Stuff that's available to them,
11:20.0
stuff that is backed by people
11:22.0
who have done a lifetime of research.
11:23.0
You know how much work I had to do
11:25.0
and how much rewriting I had to do
11:28.0
when my kids were growing up
11:29.0
with the internet?
11:30.0
Before it was easy for my parents to say,
11:33.0
because this is what's gonna happen
11:36.0
And all we had to do was believe it, right?
11:38.0
I tried that on my kids.
11:39.0
They're looking at me,
11:40.0
you know we're gonna fact check you, Dad, right?
11:46.0
my parents and I have butt heads
11:47.0
a little bit over the years over this
11:49.0
because it's like-
11:51.0
I wanna hear that.
11:52.0
Specific examples?
11:54.0
I mean, it could be something as simple as,
11:56.0
you know, my dad and I both
11:58.0
watch basketball together.
12:02.0
I hope you guys are on the same team, no?
12:06.0
right now Lakers fans.
12:07.0
Oh, so I'm so sorry for your loss.
12:11.0
Yeah, they're not in a good spot right now, are they?
12:14.0
As of this taping, yeah.
12:18.0
So you're a sports fan, you and your dad.
12:20.0
Yeah, it's as simple as, you know,
12:23.0
you're having classic basketball discussions
12:26.0
of players in different eras,
12:28.0
their impact on the game and what they do.
12:30.0
And it's as simple as
12:32.0
looking up, you know,
12:33.0
how many points did he have in this final series?
12:35.0
And you look at things like field goal percentages,
12:38.0
you look at points.
12:39.0
And that information, you know,
12:41.0
you'd have to dig up a newspaper for that,
12:43.0
you know, 20, 30 years ago.
12:44.0
And now it's like, you look that up
12:46.0
and there's a website that hosts that information.
12:48.0
And it's so easily accessible that,
12:51.0
you know, anytime you're in an argument with someone,
12:53.0
it's there and you decide that that fast.
12:55.0
And that, in a way-
12:57.0
The speed of information,
12:58.0
unlike before you had to get the sports almanac,
13:01.0
buy it in a national bookstore or whatever.
13:03.0
Yeah, and then hope that it's in date.
13:09.0
you grow up with this
13:11.0
sense of entitlement to information
13:13.0
and a style of argumentation
13:14.0
that really lends itself to, you know, pacing.
13:20.0
you begin to disagree with
13:22.0
other generations because of that.
13:24.0
Whereas, you know, you have people that are
13:28.0
that have, you know,
13:29.0
let's say a career in entertainment, you know,
13:31.0
you have a career hosting a podcast.
13:32.0
And so, you could be,
13:34.0
you know, all high and mighty and say,
13:36.0
you know, did you know most podcasts
13:38.0
see an increase in viewership if they do X?
13:41.0
you may have 20 years of podcast experience.
13:43.0
It's like, well, we tried that and it didn't work.
13:46.0
the data is available and it's there
13:47.0
and young people are pointing you
13:49.0
and trying to direct you in a fashion that
13:52.0
is what they know,
13:54.0
experience still matters.
13:56.0
at dinner table conversations,
13:58.0
when you're having
14:00.0
that sort of discussion,
14:01.0
it's always remembered to take into account
14:03.0
that, you know, your parents,
14:04.0
as old and as grumpy as you think they are,
14:07.0
they're old and grumpy with a lifetime of
14:10.0
wrongdoings and mistakes and learning experiences
14:13.0
that they are really trying their best to impart on you.
14:17.0
You know, you made up a good point
14:19.0
when you said that,
14:22.0
you know, like I may be hosting a podcast.
14:24.0
I may be the expert at what I do.
14:28.0
And if you come to me with data,
14:29.0
with data that tells me,
14:33.0
this is what's going to get you to critical mass
14:35.0
or blah, blah, blah.
14:38.0
no, this is what we've been doing
14:39.0
based on my experience.
14:41.0
Using that word, based on my experience,
14:44.0
the trajectory will be as much
14:47.0
as X if I do this continuously.
14:52.0
I have two questions for you.
14:53.0
Doesn't it frustrate you
14:59.0
is using experience
15:05.0
old results, right?
15:09.0
As opposed to you,
15:10.0
you may not have the experience or the podcast,
15:12.0
but because you've extrapolated the information
15:15.0
using your big data,
15:17.0
you see it and you're trying to help me,
15:19.0
but here I am very stubborn to actually listen to you.
15:23.0
Does that frustrate you?
15:25.0
does it make you and your generation
15:28.0
condescending toward
15:30.0
the older generation?
15:32.0
That's a really good question.
15:33.0
That's a really good question.
15:35.0
So the first point,
15:37.0
does it frustrate me?
15:39.0
So insofar as frustration,
15:45.0
an issue like that
15:46.0
is really coming from
15:48.0
the side of feeling like you're not heard.
15:52.0
And I think when you,
15:53.0
if someone came to you with that data,
15:55.0
they've obviously gone through the effort
15:56.0
of trying to produce something
15:58.0
that will make a difference
16:00.0
and the idea that,
16:01.0
yeah, I want to contribute.
16:02.0
This is a project that I'm as passionate
16:05.0
and this is how I think I can help.
16:07.0
And if you turn that down
16:10.0
without really revising
16:13.0
it is frustrating
16:14.0
because it's like,
16:15.0
I've done all this work
16:16.0
and I've shown it to you
16:17.0
and you just turned it away.
16:19.0
In that particular example,
16:20.0
I think showing data to an older person
16:22.0
who then uses experience
16:24.0
as that trump card
16:26.0
is more a misunderstanding
16:27.0
and miscommunication
16:28.0
of a certain set of values
16:30.0
or ideals, right?
16:32.0
at its most useful,
16:36.0
for something like a podcast,
16:37.0
is presenting and telling a story.
16:42.0
what I'm seeing in front of me
16:43.0
is the aggregation
16:44.0
of years worth of episodes
16:45.0
and what's popular
16:46.0
and what's great.
16:48.0
there is a middle ground, I think,
16:50.0
where you can present new information
16:52.0
with the experience.
16:56.0
that doesn't work
16:57.0
if you really believe
16:58.0
one way or the other
17:00.0
and that's how you come to
17:01.0
mediums and win-win solutions.
17:04.0
The second part of that question
17:05.0
doesn't make me condescending.
17:08.0
There are honestly times
17:10.0
as someone who grew up
17:11.0
in the digital age
17:12.0
and has argued like that,
17:15.0
I hate the way they do things here.
17:18.0
you're using this ridiculous
17:21.0
that you can't even search through.
17:23.0
You have to manually
17:24.0
type in your queries.
17:25.0
Why is all the information here?
17:28.0
My parents have always
17:29.0
constantly checked me
17:31.0
there are lots of reasons
17:32.0
for why a company
17:34.0
will use the format
17:37.0
Maybe it saved them
17:39.0
Maybe it's more useful
17:40.0
for their particular application.
17:46.0
It's made me condescending
17:47.0
sometimes in that
17:50.0
better, faster way.
17:51.0
But it's also allowed me
17:54.0
why do I feel this way?
17:57.0
Are people's experiences
17:59.0
as what we believe
18:00.0
to be the advancement
18:05.0
that we should address?
18:08.0
I've found myself
18:10.0
those experiences
18:11.0
can be as valuable.
18:15.0
What they bring to the table
18:16.0
has a different value
18:17.0
to what you bring
18:20.0
That's a nice way
18:22.0
What people bring
18:26.0
as what you bring
18:29.0
I just checked myself
18:31.0
to the hypothetical
18:32.0
that I just gave you.
18:35.0
was condescending first.
18:38.0
you were talking,
18:39.0
I'm thinking about going,
18:41.0
yeah, you're right.
18:43.0
you prepped data,
18:57.0
the condescending act.
19:01.0
It becomes a vicious cycle, right?
19:03.0
It's a vicious cycle
19:04.0
of every generation
19:09.0
and their parents
19:10.0
and my grandparents
19:13.0
where my parents thought
19:22.0
different generations
19:23.0
I think is a very
19:25.0
and grounding factor
19:26.0
in your relationship
19:30.0
Your mom and dad,
19:31.0
they're very prominent
19:42.0
I was going to ask you.
19:43.0
So you've learned
19:46.0
Of course, they were
19:47.0
mom and dad to you
19:48.0
growing up, right?
19:49.0
When did it become
19:54.0
and that's my mom.
19:55.0
I'll give you context.
20:00.0
is brought to you
20:01.0
by Leo Bato and Associates.
20:09.0
in the Philippines.
20:13.0
My son can't sing.
20:20.0
he's the son of his mom.
20:26.0
I think I'm okay.
20:39.0
where there's a karaoke
20:40.0
or a live band playing
20:48.0
I don't want to have anything to do
20:49.0
because if they know who I am,
20:51.0
some of them are going to want to make me sing.
20:55.0
I'm going to humiliate myself
20:57.0
or make me sit down
20:58.0
behind the drum kit.
20:59.0
I can only play the songs I know.
21:03.0
and all that stuff.
21:05.0
And it's caused him
21:09.0
I'm going to go back
21:10.0
like your mom and dad.
21:11.0
So you've learned
21:18.0
And from him came
21:19.0
plump, plump, plump, plump, plump.
21:21.0
And from her came
21:22.0
plump, plump, plump, plump, plump.
21:28.0
Take me through that
21:35.0
and in particular I say
21:39.0
we have a running joke
21:41.0
that the three of us
21:42.0
grew up with different parents.
21:45.0
Different stages, right?
21:46.0
Yeah, different stages.
21:48.0
kids grossly underestimate
21:53.0
quote unquote growing up.
21:54.0
Growing up, yeah.
21:55.0
Growing old, yeah.
21:56.0
And that growing old
22:00.0
As sad as it is, it's
22:04.0
will have a different set of parents
22:05.0
to your daughter at 10.
22:07.0
And that's not a bad thing
22:12.0
my parents growing up
22:17.0
they've told me about it.
22:18.0
I used to idolize
22:23.0
I was gonna create
22:27.0
I mean he's still
22:28.0
he's still number one.
22:30.0
used to in a way that
22:31.0
I used to tell people that
22:32.0
I want to be just like dad
22:38.0
I didn't know anything
22:41.0
as far as I was concerned
22:45.0
fantastic stay at home father
22:48.0
He used to bring me to school.
22:49.0
Oh, that's when you wanted
22:54.0
I want to be like dad.
22:55.0
I used to tell people
22:56.0
at three years old
22:57.0
I want to be retired.
22:58.0
That was the plan.
22:59.0
That's still the plan.
23:00.0
I want to be retired.
23:01.0
The ambition is to not work.
23:10.0
that's something that I carried
23:11.0
with me growing up.
23:13.0
because mom and dad
23:15.0
at home maintained
23:16.0
such a mom and dad
23:22.0
mom worked a high-powered
23:25.0
So she was constantly
23:27.0
You know, we lived in London
23:30.0
and she was always in Amsterdam.
23:31.0
She was always in Paris.
23:33.0
sometimes day trips
23:34.0
sometimes weekends.
23:36.0
I never really noticed
23:41.0
a high-powered corporate job.
23:42.0
That's what a learjet
23:43.0
can do, you know.
23:46.0
the Concorde was running.
23:49.0
There and back in three hours.
23:51.0
I didn't notice her absence
23:52.0
in the sense that
23:53.0
I wouldn't describe my childhood
23:55.0
in my mother figure.
23:56.0
She was there on weekends.
24:00.0
in the time that she had.
24:03.0
she was super mom
24:04.0
without me knowing
24:05.0
she was super mom.
24:19.0
I mean the first one
24:23.0
her job at Singapore
24:24.0
I'm in the office
24:26.0
one of her office mates
24:32.0
your mom's a bully.
24:34.0
what do you mean?
24:39.0
it's then that you realized
24:43.0
a corporate environment
24:49.0
a certain language
24:53.0
is very very special.
24:56.0
it's an incredibly
25:01.0
in the corporate sphere.
25:03.0
is something that I
25:04.0
really only realized
25:08.0
my friends' parents
25:12.0
look at employment
25:13.0
and talk about employment
25:17.0
mom was a superstar.
25:22.0
the Filipino dream
25:23.0
but the American dream
25:26.0
had kids in the US
25:34.0
you know doubly so
25:35.0
because she's an Asian woman.
25:39.0
when you realized
25:44.0
it just slowly unraveled
25:45.0
and like as I visited
25:48.0
And then the internet's there.
25:49.0
Did you ever Google your mom?
25:54.0
I was in 8th grade
25:55.0
we were doing a project
25:59.0
and one of my friends
26:01.0
I'm writing a research paper
26:02.0
on women in the workplace
26:03.0
do you know anyone?
26:06.0
my mom's a woman in the workplace
26:08.0
I wonder if she knows anything
26:13.0
my mom did an interview
26:15.0
the business school
26:17.0
immediately you know
26:18.0
it's what it's like
26:19.0
to be a woman in business
26:23.0
for as long as I've known her
26:25.0
I've only ever known her
26:33.0
it's something that
26:34.0
was kept secret from me
26:36.0
as I reached you know
26:40.0
I started spending so much time
26:43.0
was gracious enough
26:45.0
drive me to school
26:51.0
before you continue that story
26:52.0
so you're Googling mom
27:15.0
for the most part
27:21.0
and all that stuff
27:29.0
has been my best friend
27:38.0
in the way that you would
27:41.0
he's never treated me
27:42.0
as separate from that
27:43.0
and he never told you
27:44.0
the influence he had
27:46.0
in corporate Philippines
27:47.0
and all that stuff
27:50.0
throughout all of his life
27:51.0
and this will be said
27:52.0
he's been incredibly humble
27:57.0
record of achievement
28:00.0
I started learning more
28:02.0
and I started spending
28:03.0
so much time with my dad
28:04.0
because we'd ride in the car
28:05.0
to school together
28:06.0
that I started asking him
28:08.0
what was your life like
28:15.0
both their careers
28:22.0
of having a household
28:24.0
a heavy parenting
28:28.0
well quote unquote
28:30.0
or stepped away from
28:33.0
also because corporate life
28:34.0
just kind of sucks
28:38.0
he stepped away from corporate life
28:48.0
and he started telling me stories
28:50.0
At ito, without hearing the back story, you were already...
28:54.0
I was already proud. I mean, to me, he was my superhero.
29:01.0
And so, I was asking him, you know, what was your life like?
29:04.0
And he was valedictorian of every year at school.
29:07.0
You know, whether it was grade school, high school, college.
29:12.0
He was employed at San Miguel for a long time.
29:15.0
And even though he dumbs it down by saying, or not dumbs it down, but he...
29:22.0
He doesn't really go into details.
29:24.0
Yeah, it's a very, you know, not humiliating, but humbling experience for him
29:29.0
because he was valedictorian at his university and then was employed as a clerk typist.
29:34.0
It's not really a job that you expect a valedictorian to have.
29:38.0
But then, you know, he glosses over the part where he got promoted so fast
29:43.0
and he was, you know, youngest assistant, youngest VP, youngest executive,
29:48.0
and then youngest senior VP.
29:50.0
And he's already a global president by the time he's like 29.
29:55.0
And so, having this fast track career where I'm now 23, 24, you know,
30:02.0
and I'm just like, oh, shit.
30:04.0
Of course, right?
30:05.0
Like, I don't know.
30:07.0
You know, by the time my parents were my age, you know,
30:11.0
they were taking off.
30:13.0
Remember that story I told you about my son, right?
30:15.0
About the PTSD thing going.
30:18.0
Not knowing who they were was kind of, huh, okay.
30:21.0
Knowing who they are, all of a sudden, oh, shoot.
30:26.0
Yeah, like, and so...
30:29.0
So it's a double-edged sword.
30:30.0
Yeah, it's a double-edged sword.
30:31.0
And now that I was, you know, quote-unquote an adult,
30:34.0
really I'm like in the late teens,
30:36.0
I'm finally seeing my parents reconnect with classmates that in high school,
30:41.0
in university, and with earlier workmates.
30:43.0
And all they can say to me is, you know, your mom, your dad,
30:47.0
they're so smart.
30:49.0
They're so good at what they do.
30:51.0
Isn't that pressure?
30:53.0
It's, I mean, it's pressure.
30:55.0
Pride and pressure.
30:56.0
It's an immense amount of pride because it's like you find out your parents
30:59.0
are just way cooler than you ever thought they were.
31:03.0
And they're as good as what they do, like at what they do.
31:07.0
It's really cool to point at my parents and be like, yeah,
31:09.0
they're professionals at this.
31:12.0
But it's never been a source of pressure because their expectations for us,
31:18.0
it's not like they're not high,
31:20.0
but they don't have expectations in the way that a lot of parents will be like,
31:23.0
oh, we want you to be doctors, we want you to be lawyers.
31:27.0
They'd always had this philosophy with us that was,
31:32.0
and let me think on this so that I don't get it wrong the first time it comes
31:39.0
It was always, they said to us, it's not this is my child and who do I want
31:48.0
It was who is this child that happens to be my child and who do they want to be?
31:55.0
And so no matter what it was, and I'm a kid that loved to switch hobbies.
31:59.0
I loved it. It was guitar. It was skateboarding.
32:03.0
It was reading. It was yo-yoing.
32:05.0
It was all of these things.
32:06.0
No matter what it was, they just said, be excellent at it.
32:11.0
And to them, because they grew up, not grew up,
32:14.0
but built careers in HR and then in consulting,
32:16.0
those aren't quote-unquote like money-making fields.
32:19.0
But they said, be very good at what you do and the money will follow.
32:24.0
And that's the way I've sort of approached life and work and learning.
32:29.0
I'm really passionate about learning and about meeting new people,
32:32.0
about having those discussions.
32:34.0
And so to me, it's just a factor of if I'm the best at what I do,
32:39.0
the money will come and I won't have to worry.
32:41.0
And so there isn't really pressure in the sense that like I have to live up
32:46.0
to my parents' careers.
32:48.0
So the pressure is not coming from them.
32:51.0
No, the pressure is coming from yourself because you want to be the best at what you do.
32:57.0
And not even the best in a quote-unquote, if you could quantify it objective sense.
33:02.0
Because you can't really do that.
33:03.0
No, it's subjective.
33:05.0
And can I apply myself to be better than I was at it the day before,
33:10.0
or the year before, six years before?
33:12.0
And so you approach it with a sense of pride and with a sense of internal pressure.
33:20.0
But every now and then, it does loom that my parents are superstars
33:24.0
and they were fast-tracking their careers in a way that I currently am not.
33:28.0
And so if they're the blueprint, I've kind of screwed up the blueprint.
33:33.0
But I'm not that worried because if they can figure it out, I can figure it out.
33:42.0
What about the three-year-old Jason who said,
33:47.0
I want to be like dad, I want to be retired.
33:50.0
What happened to that kid when he found out, oh, that's why he's retired?
33:56.0
So dad retired because actually he was a self-made man.
34:01.0
You can retire when you're huge.
34:03.0
So you had that realization come to you also?
34:07.0
So when I got older, it was just, oh, there's work that you have to put in.
34:13.0
You don't just get to be retired.
34:15.0
You can retire when you're a major executive.
34:18.0
But I guess I'm trying to skip to the last part.
34:24.0
Hey, you know, Stephen Covey, right?
34:26.0
Begin with the end in mind.
34:29.0
The goal is to not work.
34:31.0
And now I have to find the most creative ways to not work.
34:34.0
But there is that old adage, if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
34:41.0
So when you found out as a teenager who mom and dad were, what did you tell your siblings?
34:48.0
Did you reach out to them going, what the heck?
34:54.0
And it's mostly because, you know, it comes from being the only child.
34:58.0
So as much as I get bored at home, my parents get bored too.
35:02.0
It's like you're sitting here with this 13-year-old and you're like, you, let me tell you a story.
35:07.0
This is going to help you.
35:09.0
And it's something that I don't even clock until I'm like 18, 19.
35:12.0
And I'm like, oh, that was a really good story.
35:16.0
Wow, marinated for five years.
35:19.0
So it's just ruminating back there.
35:21.0
Like, huh, that had an important moral lesson that I completely missed when I was supposed to have needed it.
35:29.0
Yeah, no, but I went to them and I was like, did you know mom and dad were this big?
35:34.0
And a lot of the time the answer is no.
35:37.0
I never heard this from them because, you know, at the time they were raising all three of us and then two and then one.
35:42.0
And so the conversations they had with me are like, are them going through a life stage change, you know, stepping away from their careers and reflecting.
35:50.0
You know, that's true.
35:51.0
Oh my God, they had to experience that, the life change.
35:55.0
So my sisters grew up with parents that were still very much high powered corporate people.
36:00.0
And when I was coming into my own, I grew up with parents that were tired people, you know, that were reflective, introspective people.
36:10.0
And so the stories that I got were completely different from the stories my sisters got.
36:16.0
And so I would ask, did you know mom and dad were this big?
36:19.0
You know, did you know that mom's career took off like this?
36:23.0
And, you know, by the time she was your age, she was making this much money.
36:26.0
And sometimes the answer would be, no, you know, talk to me about it. And sometimes the answer would be a begrudging, yes, and I'm not there.
36:32.0
So leave me alone.
36:35.0
But not in a bad way, but more in a respect of what our parents do and who they are and what they mean to us.
36:42.0
Because like I said, for all of us, they were just mom and dad.
36:47.0
Now, are you in a relationship right now?
36:51.0
Were you ever in a relationship?
36:53.0
Did you ever subliminally find yourself trying to use your mom as a template?
36:59.0
Having found out who she was and you're looking at your ex-girlfriend going,
37:12.0
I can't say I have, honestly.
37:15.0
I mean, there is that whole, you know, a son's first love is his mother.
37:19.0
And in a way, I love my mom and I respect her for who she is, but I don't think I look for that in a romantic partner.
37:29.0
I don't need someone to be my mother.
37:31.0
No, not your mother, but more of like, of course, the conversation gets intellectual.
37:38.0
Do I look for someone that's like a woman, like mom?
37:41.0
Like if she's, oh, I want to go to the parlor and just blow dry my hair. And then what? And then probably go home and post some pictures on Instagram.
37:53.0
I mean, in a way, I feel like my mom and my dad are so much of, you know.
37:59.0
It's a hard bar. It's a high bar.
38:01.0
Yeah, they're two halves of one mind, really, you know.
38:06.0
Sometimes they split and they express themselves in different ways.
38:12.0
But they complete each other's sandwiches.
38:16.0
At their core, you know, they're the same.
38:19.0
And by virtue of being their kid at the core, I'm the same.
38:22.0
So outwardly, she doesn't have to be like mom in the sense that maybe she's not a high-powered corporate woman who does so-and-so.
38:31.0
But is it someone that cares about other people?
38:37.0
Is it someone that, you know, values family, that values quality time, that values expressing love?
38:45.0
Yes. And those are qualities that my parents have that they've imparted on us that I do look for in the people that I spend my time with.
38:52.0
And your mom and dad talk to each other a lot.
38:54.0
A lot. It's too much.
38:56.0
So if you have a girlfriend, do you want this girlfriend to be on her phone or do you want this girlfriend to be having a conversation with you over coffee or whatever?
39:06.0
Well, I mean, if she's on her phone while we're in the same room, clearly, I'm not very interesting.
39:11.0
But no, I do enjoy that face time and the relationship.
39:17.0
My parents have, you know, really demoed in my 23 years has been one that's very communicative and respectful.
39:26.0
And I remember, you know, growing up, they told me, you know, we never go to bed angry and we never go to bed without saying I love you.
39:36.0
And that's the kind of relationship that they have.
39:39.0
And that's something that I look for or will want to achieve later in life.
39:46.0
So graduated from college, double major.
39:52.0
Did the pressure increase or did you feel free?
39:59.0
This episode is brought to you by Dr. Lourdes Capulon.
40:04.0
To do what you want to do.
40:06.0
We've always been free to do what we want to do.
40:11.0
Was it more like, I'm sorry, Jason, was it more like, got you the diploma, we're good, I'm out.
40:20.0
See, that would have worked.
40:23.0
That would have worked if I was employed right now.
40:26.0
But I'm still currently searching for a job.
40:29.0
So until I find one and I can financially support myself, I'm happy to live by their rules.
40:35.0
Like they've been gracious enough to let me live in their house to use their money for food.
40:42.0
As Asian parents, a lot of Asian parents are, you know, there's no, the pressure to move out isn't as great for lots of Asian cultures as it is for others.
40:50.0
And so I'm more than happy to live by those rules because of the relationship we've had.
40:55.0
But, you know, you do feel the pressure and you feel the anxiety of, you know, I'm still unemployed.
41:01.0
And it's, you know, everyone my age looks like they're going to do work and they're finishing up things.
41:07.0
But also the internal pressure of, you want to start giving back to your parents.
41:12.0
And when that gets put on hold and you're still, you know, living off of their kindness,
41:18.0
it does put a mental block in the back of your head.
41:21.0
It's like, I need to get moving.
41:23.0
And you know what, the most humble statement that I heard from that sentence was, I'm okay to live by their rules.
41:36.0
Because there are kids who want their cake and eat it too.
41:42.0
I don't have a job. I'm your son. I'm your daughter. I'm staying at your house.
41:48.0
But I don't need to follow your rules because I'll be out soon.
41:53.0
But see, you bring that out in the open. I hope people are listening and watching.
41:59.0
Because there are still children who actually are cognitive to that fact that, you know what,
42:05.0
I have to humble myself while I'm trying to develop my wings so I can fly.
42:11.0
And I'm okay to submit to your authority.
42:15.0
Is that something that mom and dad drilled down or is that something that's innately yours?
42:22.0
It's innately mine. And I can't speak for the kids who don't want to live by their parents' rules.
42:28.0
Because obviously, you know, the relationship that they have is clearly different enough
42:34.0
where they feel like they shouldn't live by the rules for whatever reason.
42:39.0
For me personally, it comes from the fact that I respect my parents.
42:43.0
And I've always felt like they've respected me.
42:45.0
And so living by the rules comes from a mutual understanding that it is a generosity.
42:51.0
It is a kindness that they're providing.
42:54.0
And if I've been there, if I'm living in their home, then it's something that I have to appreciate
43:03.0
and not work around but work with to try and come to an understanding of when I take off,
43:10.0
you'll be there and I know kindness will be repaid eventually.
43:15.0
But until then, thank you.
43:17.0
Now you've been around the world. What would you consider, where would you consider home?
43:24.0
That's a really good question. And it's one that, sorry, is a bit contentious
43:31.0
because my siblings and I have grown up with the term third culture kid, TCK.
43:36.0
And for those of you who are watching and listening that don't know what that is,
43:40.0
it's someone who's grown up in a culture that's different from the one they were born in
43:45.0
or the one their parents are from.
43:47.0
And so my pitch to people is that I've lived my life in sixes.
43:52.0
So I spent six years in England, six years in Singapore, six years in the Philippines,
43:56.0
and now I'm on year four in the US.
43:59.0
So I grew up with TCK. I grew up absorbing different cultures that weren't necessarily mine.
44:05.0
And so all of them feel like home in the sense that I have roots there.
44:10.0
I connect there. But none of them could be my sole identity.
44:16.0
Are you still searching for that? No.
44:19.0
I don't think I'm searching for it so much as I've accepted that I am a multicultural kid.
44:24.0
I connect with people who are Indian, Chinese, English, Scottish, American.
44:31.0
And being able to accept that and be part of their groups is enough for me to be sure of who I am
44:37.0
as a global citizen, as a person.
44:40.0
Now, having a multicultural background, has it made you less judgmental?
44:50.0
Has it made you more judgmental?
44:54.0
Or has it made you indifferent to everything because it's stressful to actually even dip your finger?
45:02.0
I think it's made me less judgmental, especially coupled with the fact that I did study social anthropology in college.
45:09.0
So you're looking at different cultures all the time and critically.
45:12.0
And when you interact with people like that and you have friends like that, you go to each other's houses,
45:19.0
you start to greet their parents, like in the Philippines, we make beso with titas and titas.
45:25.0
And you end up bowing in other households.
45:30.0
You develop a sensitivity to those practices.
45:32.0
And you recognize that our cultures aren't so different.
45:36.0
It's more the way we express ourselves.
45:38.0
And at the root of it is respect.
45:40.0
And at the root of it is a respect and an understanding of, in a given social group, this is the way we've done things.
45:46.0
Whether it's eating food or greeting elders or going to school.
45:51.0
And so you just appreciate them actually when you see them.
45:55.0
Things like having friends that are Thai come to college.
46:00.0
They've never been in the US.
46:02.0
And a custom of telling everyone, could we please sit with our feet behind us?
46:08.0
Because it's rude to point your feet at someone.
46:10.0
That's something they appreciate.
46:12.0
And being able to connect with someone in that way over something so small, but a cultural understanding and a shared intelligence of that,
46:19.0
has made me really comfortable entering new spaces and being allowed to appreciate people for who they are and what they represent.
46:31.0
Why is it here now?
46:34.0
And will it ever go away?
46:39.0
So I think cancel culture is a bit of a hot topic.
46:42.0
Things like podcasts, right?
46:43.0
Because that's what happens.
46:45.0
Someone says something that maybe is received the wrong way by a particular group of people.
46:50.0
And they get called to be canceled.
46:53.0
Anyone out there can correct me if I'm wrong.
46:55.0
I believe it started off of a satirical Colbert tweet.
46:59.0
And an Asian woman, I think her name is Suey Park, I don't know.
47:03.0
But an Asian woman tweeted, cancel Colbert, this is wrong.
47:06.0
And it was a satirical tweet, obviously Colbert is not canceled.
47:10.0
And then it got used in Black Twitter as a joke and whatever.
47:14.0
And it's developed now into what is a phenomenon of people being afraid to share their ideas.
47:23.0
Cancel culture really stems from an earlier form of something called call-out culture, which began with...
47:28.0
What kind of culture?
47:29.0
Call-out culture.
47:30.0
And that began with the Me Too movement, with Suey Park, with this idea that we have to bring to attention
47:38.0
when people with big platforms are sharing ideas that are harmful to people.
47:44.0
Whether that exists in the form of racism or misogyny or whatever.
47:48.0
And I think at its core, that's a really good thing.
47:53.0
It's to hold people accountable for harmful behavior and for behavior that we can work on to improve and to make the world...
48:02.0
More of like a slap on the hand.
48:04.0
Yeah, it's meant to help people.
48:07.0
But that's what it's supposed to be, just a slap on the hand.
48:10.0
But that's what calling out is, a slap on the hand.
48:14.0
But calling out, I guess we treated it to cancel, let's not slap his hand, let's just kill.
48:22.0
Yeah, I think cancel culture is scary in the sense that it's a form of social ostracism.
48:31.0
It's a digital form of social ostracism.
48:33.0
And that's what it is.
48:34.0
You say something wrong and you get checked.
48:38.0
The underlying theory behind it being that it's meant to be a learning experience.
48:44.0
And I'm someone that believes that everyone, let's say most people, can learn from mistakes if they're willing to put forth their effort.
48:52.0
It does exist in some spaces for really good things.
48:58.0
If people are constantly putting out racist content, like if someone was putting out racist content about Filipinos,
49:05.0
I would say they don't deserve to have that platform.
49:09.0
You should ban them from YouTube or Facebook or whatever.
49:11.0
And that's a totally valid reason for cancellation.
49:14.0
I think a lot of people now are scared of the fact that social norms are constantly evolving.
49:21.0
But the internet has made it so that that evolution is on record all the time.
49:26.0
And you may have said some things that they were okay in 2012, but in 2022, they were a little bit questionable.
49:32.0
Like what happened to Kevin Hart, right?
49:34.0
Yeah, they were quote unquote okay.
49:37.0
But now they're really questionable.
49:39.0
And so guys like Kevin Hart, especially a lot of comedians...
49:42.0
And what Robert Downey Jr. when he played...
49:47.0
Tropic Thunder, Blackface.
49:49.0
Those things were all in mainstream media because they were funny and with comedy in particular.
49:55.0
There's a certain irreverence that goes along with that.
49:58.0
Do they deserve to be cancelled? Maybe.
50:01.0
It depends on the severity of the action and then the intention of whoever it is.
50:06.0
Cancelling someone who is an outward racist and part of groups that actively speak against human rights and against spout hate speech.
50:18.0
That's very different from I think cancelling an actor or a podcaster that was part of a production that a lot of the time is from years past.
50:28.0
See, that's the key word there.
50:31.0
Years past, it was okay at the time.
50:35.0
It's different if you're doing it now at this time.
50:40.0
Yeah, it's different.
50:41.0
And I think most people, if they're mature enough, should they own up to that.
50:47.0
They'll acknowledge that this was a different time in my life.
50:51.0
I know better, I'll do better.
50:54.0
And that should be enough in most cases.
50:56.0
And most of the time, there is a sort of general acceptance of when people can see a genuine quality in someone.
51:05.0
So I do think sometimes it can be dicey, but sometimes it can be used for what its original intention was.
51:14.0
And it's to make the world and the internet a safer and more inclusive space.
51:20.0
Yeah, it's a good thing.
51:21.0
Now, what do you want to be? It's hard to say what do you want to be when you grow up.
51:27.0
You're already grown up.
51:28.0
It's like, what do you want to be?
51:33.0
What do I want to be?
51:35.0
I mean, as far as literal occupations go, I don't think I have something in mind of what I want to be.
51:42.0
I want to be someone who impacts my community in positive ways.
51:47.0
I want to be someone that helps people.
51:48.0
I want to be someone that people remember fondly for doing a kindness or for helping them get through something.
51:57.0
That's what I want.
51:59.0
And I want to be the best at what I do.
52:03.0
Or the best version of myself at what I do.
52:06.0
Whatever that manifestation is, I've yet to come across.
52:10.0
I think at 23, not a lot of people know what the literal manifestation of…
52:16.0
It's stressful at your age.
52:17.0
…of their quote-unquote mission is, their life mission.
52:21.0
But yeah, that's what I want to be.
52:23.0
I mean, it's already stressful for a 23-year-old to write it down without superstar parents, right?
52:34.0
I can only imagine your pressure having to write what you want to be down on paper or in your head,
52:41.0
knowing full well that there's mom and dad who at 23 are already hitting the ground running and off to the races.
52:52.0
That's pretty hard.
52:54.0
Now, with your sisters, have you talked to them about your career path?
52:58.0
Or is that something that you guys don't talk about?
53:01.0
It's something that we talk about.
53:07.0
It's something that we talk about, but we acknowledge that career paths are different.
53:13.0
My oldest sister, she went to school for graphic design.
53:15.0
She went to a very elite art school and then came out of that school saying,
53:19.0
I don't want to do art.
53:21.0
I want to do business.
53:22.0
And so she worked as a barista in a boba shop and is now the chief of staff for that company.
53:34.0
So her career path started out as, yeah, I want to be an artist.
53:38.0
And then it has ended up as I'm attending a business school and I'm working to be a high-powered businesswoman.
53:46.0
My second sister went to school for psych and is now pursuing a doctorate degree.
53:51.0
And so our career paths, we've acknowledged that they're all going to be different.
53:57.0
And for my older sisters especially, they happen so spur of the moment.
54:02.0
You plan vaguely what you want to be.
54:06.0
But then you just try things and you pick things up and you fall in love with them.
54:10.0
And I think it's going to be the same case for me.
54:14.0
I'm going to step into something, find out whether or not I like it,
54:18.0
and then move from there with the hope that wanting to become better at what I do is what's going to push me into a career field.
54:25.0
Now, you know, while you were saying that, it's more like all three of you are branching out into different directions.
54:33.0
And I couldn't help but think about what your mom and dad had put up except one.
54:39.0
And I'm like, except one, is it going to involve you and your sisters?
54:48.0
Or are you guys like, nah, we don't want to be part of it.
54:54.0
I mean, if mom and dad decides to close that, we're done. We'll do our thing.
54:59.0
That's a good question.
55:01.0
I don't think any of us are dead set on inheriting it in the sense that like, you know,
55:06.0
I must continue mom and dad's legacy as consultants and as, you know, leadership development experts.
55:13.0
But it's more in the back of our heads.
55:15.0
It's like except one taken, you know, philosophically for us is an amalgamation of the values that they tried to impart on us growing up.
55:27.0
My mom always said that, you know, she believes in helping people win with their uniqueness.
55:33.0
And for my dad, the namesake of the company is a JM Berry quote.
55:38.0
It's the start of Peter Pan. It's all children except one grow up.
55:41.0
And it's to do with, you know, a uniqueness and individuality and a winning spirit that comes from someone being unapologetically themselves in their mission and their values.
55:51.0
So that's something that even if I'm not inheriting the company would be what I carry with me to a different path or company.
56:01.0
So it exists in all of us, whether we like to acknowledge it or not.
56:06.0
But I don't think there's any pressure to continue it as its current form.
56:10.0
And you know what, if one of you actually did against your will, it defeats the mission statement.
56:17.0
Yeah, it defeats the mission. Unless one of us chanced into it as like, you know, this is my calling.
56:23.0
But yeah, it does in a way ironically defeat the mission of except one.
56:27.0
Now, with regard to this is your fourth year in the States and you operate by six.
56:35.0
What if you finally figure out that this is where life is going to happen?
56:43.0
Are you going to break the pattern of six or are you going to continue on and make life here in the States?
56:55.0
That's a good question. I think about it all the time.
56:59.0
Because, you know, all these chapters of my life are bookended by locations.
57:08.0
I mean, a little bit.
57:10.0
Oh, it's going to hurt.
57:11.0
Like year seven, you're still here.
57:15.0
It's not perfect.
57:16.0
I gotta go to Mexico.
57:18.0
It's not perfect. So, you know, you find somewhere quick.
57:23.0
Because of the fact that, you know, I lived a very luckily, very privileged multicultural life.
57:30.0
I am very open to spending my time somewhere else, be it like New Zealand or Australia.
57:35.0
So, you're still in the travel mode?
57:39.0
But what if at year six, you find, two more years, Sir Georgia and Mr. Dora, two more years of Jason being in the house.
57:50.0
But what if on year six, you land something that you like here in the States?
57:59.0
Hypothetically speaking.
58:00.0
Yeah. Hypothetically speaking, if it's the start of, you know, what my career and my dream is, then sure, I'd stay here.
58:08.0
You'd close that book completely and start this book of...
58:11.0
Yeah. It's something that I still carry with me anyway.
58:14.0
You know, I'm always going to be a kid who grew up multicultural and this is just, you know, another chapter in my life.
58:21.0
Did you ever think about the rest of your life, like, I plan to...
58:26.0
Are you that type of person? That's why I asked if you were OCD.
58:29.0
I need to be married at this age. I need to have this number of kids at this age and all that stuff.
58:36.0
That's a good question.
58:38.0
I like plans in so far as like, what am I eating for breakfast tomorrow?
58:44.0
But as far as like five year, ten year, no, I don't do that.
58:50.0
And it's because think of who Paco was ten years ago.
58:56.0
Are you the same person you were ten years ago?
59:00.0
Right? And I think that people grossly underestimate just how much they change in a time period like that.
59:07.0
Ten years ago, you probably, if I'd asked you, are these your favorite bands? Is this your favorite music?
59:13.0
You know, what tempo do you like playing at? You probably could have said a number of things.
59:18.0
And you might have predicted, you know, 40, 50 year old me is going to like the same things.
59:23.0
And then you get to 40, 50 and you're like, I don't like anything that I liked when I was 30.
59:27.0
You are absolutely true.
59:29.0
Exactly. And so maybe the idea is there.
59:32.0
Like for me, the vague goals that, you know, I want to have a career. I want to say that I built something, that I was part of something.
59:39.0
But what that is, I leave up to what current me is deciding because I'm always going to be a different person from who I was 5, 10, 15 years ago.
59:49.0
And accepting that you're in a constant state of evolution.
59:55.0
Is part of, I think, accepting that the ride isn't going to be perfect and that you are going to be a different person at the end of your experiences as when you were when you started planning them.
60:12.0
The ride isn't always going to be perfect. Are you a pragmatist, an optimist or a pessimist?
60:18.0
I want to believe so badly that I'm an optimist, but I am a bit of a glass half empty type person.
60:27.0
My dad is, you know, the glass is there and there's water in it.
60:33.0
My dad's extremely, you know, level-headed and not dumb, but just real.
60:39.0
The glass is there and there's water in it.
60:41.0
My mom is so optimistic that, you know, the glass can be refilled.
60:48.0
And so I'm a little bit, you know, my dynamic has always been, it's half empty.
60:54.0
Why are you looking at it?
60:57.0
And so I've always been a bit cynical and being raised with two older sisters who, you know, obviously never spoke to me like I was a kid.
61:05.0
You know, you grow up like a little bit pouty sometimes.
61:08.0
And so I'm a bit of a pessimist and part of that becomes from, you know, you're scared.
61:16.0
Being anxious about things like job searching, being anxious about employment and your future, that's very real.
61:21.0
And in a way, a healthy amount of pessimism is a way to sort of alleviate.
61:27.0
To bring it down, like I told you.
61:29.0
Yeah, the disappointment almost, you're sort of bracing yourself for any potential disappointment.
61:35.0
But I guess because of the way life has turned out, you know, I'd have to be a little optimistic.
61:42.0
I got excited about, you know, going to college, about being my own person and wanting to be the best at what it is you do,
61:50.0
needs a healthy sense of optimism because you're under this belief that I'm capable, I'm prepared or I can be prepared.
61:58.0
And so, you know, I tell myself no matter how pessimistic I am, like, you can do this. You've got it.
62:05.0
Gratefulness, gratitude.
62:08.0
Was that something you discovered? Was that something taught to you?
62:14.0
It was something I had to learn.
62:18.0
I feel like most kids grow up a little bit ungrateful.
62:24.0
Like super entitled?
62:26.0
Not necessarily entitled, but you don't appreciate things for what they are until you're older and you experience a different side of things.
62:34.0
You know, for example, as a kid, I really liked fortune cookies and snacks in the way that your daughter does.
62:41.0
And, you know, having fortune cookies in the house was a normal thing.
62:46.0
It was like you could go to the store and you could get fortune cookies.
62:49.0
And being in countries where you couldn't, like it's a small inconvenience, if you could call it that.
62:57.0
But it's like, you know, it's not the norm.
63:00.0
And you slowly miss out on opportunities.
63:03.0
And that obviously gets bigger than something like fortune cookies.
63:06.0
It's a job, it's a school experience, it's a trip.
63:10.0
And so gratitude is something that you really only learn when you find out what you've been missing.
63:17.0
You know, you begin to appreciate what's there and what you have.
63:21.0
Do you think that it comes with maturity as well?
63:24.0
I think so. I think it comes with a certain set of experiences.
63:27.0
It comes with loss and with, you know, great gains.
63:31.0
And gratitude for me, because of how lucky I was to have parents that could provide the things that I wanted when I was a kid.
63:40.0
It started when I started meeting people who necessarily didn't have those things.
63:47.0
And I didn't look down on them, I didn't shame them for any of that.
63:51.0
But it was more, I really love that I've been given these opportunities, these experiences.
63:58.0
And I wouldn't shame them for anything.
64:01.0
You know what, okay, what can you share with, in summary, with kids 13, 14, 15, who think they know it all?
64:16.0
Who think they can do no wrong?
64:20.0
That's a really good question.
64:23.0
They're there, they're everywhere.
64:27.0
Yeah, no, because I remember so vividly what it was like to be that age.
64:33.0
I would say that, you know, old people, and when I say old people, it could be your parents, it could be your teachers, it could be whatever.
64:42.0
They're always going to underrate you.
64:45.0
First of all, as a 13, 14, 15 year old, you're more mature or you have the ability to be more mature than they give you credit for.
64:53.0
You can be smarter than they give you credit for.
64:55.0
But they're also not as old or as slow as you think they are.
65:00.0
And so it goes both ways.
65:05.0
You can be better than they give you credit for, but also they're not nearly as bad as you think.
65:10.0
You know, the people that you interact with on a daily basis have at some point been young, as you said earlier.
65:16.0
They've been young, they've known what it's like to be in your shoes.
65:19.0
And a lot of them have a lifetime worth of experiences that are, you know,
65:22.0
every kind of emotional experience and story from, you know, funny to heartbreaking to extremely prideful and joyful.
65:30.0
And that's worth learning from in the same way that they can learn every bit from you about what tech, what science, what social advancements are happening.
65:41.0
And my advice to you as a 13, 14, 15 year old is to keep an open mind to people of all kinds.
65:48.0
And to be in touch with who you are and what grounds you as a person.
65:52.0
And to connect with that as you move through your maturity and through your life stages.
65:59.0
Because it'll let you be a kinder and more helpful human being.
66:05.0
And I think that's paramount to anything else that takes place in your life or your career.
66:09.0
As long as you're helpful and you mean something to yourself and to others, everything will be fine.
66:16.0
Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Rose Palomar Fresnedi.
