00:26.9
Kaya it's always good to be able to connect with you on these things
00:29.9
I know, and of course, I owe you in-person meeting
00:33.3
I'll just tell you, a couple of people I interviewed earlier
00:37.0
na talagang dapat nag-usap kami about some urgent issue
00:39.6
Nagawa ko lang yung isang araw lang
00:41.1
So definitely, God willing, gawin din natin ang mga ganyan
00:43.8
But before, of course, we go to our discussion today
00:45.9
I think both of us, we have to flex our feminist credentials
00:49.2
Happy Women's Day!
00:54.0
And looking forward, of course
00:55.8
Mother's Day, ang daming pang mga pwede natin celebrate
00:58.9
Ikaw, kamusta bro?
01:00.3
Anong mensahe mo sa ating mga ano?
01:03.2
Well, since it's a Women's Month, alam mo ano
01:05.6
Siguro ang maganda mensahe ano is
01:07.4
Alam ko kasi sa Pilipinas, maraming mga single parents
01:11.7
And 90, parang 95% of all single parents are women
01:16.2
So shout out to all the single moms out there
01:19.6
Marami ha, it's actually
01:20.9
If I remember correctly, the statistic was about
01:23.7
Parang 12 or 15 million
01:27.3
Alam mo ba ako sinamang 12 million?
01:30.5
Or sabihin natin 15?
01:31.5
You're talking about 1 in every 3
01:33.8
Women are single moms
01:36.5
Can you imagine how huge that statistic is?
01:42.4
So shout out to all the single moms out there
01:45.3
Kasi my God, you guys are doing an amazing job
01:49.2
Alam ko mahirap yung ginagawa nyo
01:50.7
Balancing being a mother
01:51.9
And balancing your work
01:53.5
And providing for your family
01:55.8
Don't give up, keep it up
01:57.3
You guys are amazing
01:58.2
You guys are the heroes of our country
01:59.8
I mean, I 100% share your sentiment
02:03.5
Actually the other day, by the way
02:04.6
Shout out dun sa mga nag-join sa atin
02:06.3
Sa BBC World Questions
02:07.6
In fact, one of the questions
02:08.8
Which I found quite difficult was
02:10.8
Etong tanong about why hanggang ngayon
02:12.9
Hindi pa legalize ang divorce
02:14.3
And abortion, etc
02:16.0
And we know this disproportionately
02:17.4
Is something that a lot of women
02:20.5
Should be heard about
02:21.9
Kasi sila yung naka-hurt dito eh
02:23.3
Kung hindi sila binabigyan ng karapatan
02:24.8
Let's just be honest about it
02:25.8
And then there were some numbers thrown out there
02:27.9
Like the number of out of wedlock
02:30.1
Or you know, outside
02:31.0
Let's just say traditional family structure people
02:34.7
So you just realize
02:36.1
Grabe talaga yung mga odd structural limitations
02:38.9
Na hinaharap na ating mga kababayan
02:41.4
And yet, I also saw kanina
02:43.0
May data na lumabas na
02:44.6
Like more than 70%
02:46.8
Of all of the like sari-sari store
02:48.9
Small medium enterprises
02:50.3
These are run by women
02:51.7
And maybe there's an overlap also
02:53.7
With a lot of these women
02:54.6
Who have been taking care of their families
02:56.4
Now actually, if we're going to Bitcoin
02:57.7
You know, we're gonna get in trouble for this
03:00.2
But bakit kaya ganun sa Pilipinas?
03:03.1
Why are the women always taking up the cudgels?
03:06.2
Do we have toxic masculinity problem, bro?
03:08.7
I know this was not planned
03:10.2
But I think we have to have a conversation
03:12.8
Because I don't wanna be, ano bro
03:14.6
I mean, of course,
03:15.3
Pinig-pinig tayo, mahal natin
03:17.4
But I'm comparing the Philippines
03:19.0
To many other countries
03:20.2
Medyo, why are women always
03:23.1
They have to step up to the plate?
03:24.7
And anong kulang sa atin
03:25.9
Mga Pilipinong lalaki?
03:27.3
Alright, I mean, to be honest
03:28.5
Ano yan, actually, it's a vicious cycle
03:31.7
From what I see, ano
03:32.6
Kasi the fact that there are a lot of single moms
03:35.6
And imagine these kids
03:36.8
Half of them are men
03:38.5
They grew up to be men without fathers
03:41.2
So wala silang father figure
03:43.4
Or somebody that they can model after
03:46.2
At ang nakikita nila
03:47.6
Ay ang mga father figure
03:48.7
Ay absentee fathers
03:50.2
That are not there for them
03:51.5
So it creates a vicious cycle of them
03:53.5
Already repeating that
03:54.6
That pattern, unfortunately
03:55.9
Some will be aware
03:57.2
And will not repeat it
03:58.7
But pag hindi ka aware sa ganun pattern
04:01.4
You tend to fall into the same trap
04:03.4
Also, the fact that
04:05.4
Kung wala kang male figure of authority
04:08.7
Na kaya mong to model after
04:11.1
Which creates a lot of weak men
04:13.6
So, alam mo, as much as
04:15.1
I'd like to blame the men
04:18.9
And say it's toxic masculinity
04:20.4
Alam mo, there is a problem kasi
04:22.2
Where men don't have
04:25.5
Para makapag-usap
04:27.3
Or to be able to support each other
04:29.1
And grow and learn
04:32.5
May mga women's groups
04:34.1
Women's support groups
04:35.3
Are there any for men?
04:37.3
So, that's what gives rise to
04:39.6
People like Duterte
04:42.7
Because there is a lot of weak men right now
04:45.5
That are not able to provide
04:47.1
That are not able to be responsible
04:49.9
And therefore, they just look up to strong men
04:52.8
To be able to take the control
04:54.6
Just of that responsibility
04:57.5
But this is where I'll slightly diverge from you
05:00.9
I mean, I absolutely agree with you
05:02.6
Na hindi mo pwede sabi na isa lang yung cause
05:04.5
I mean, there's always the chicken and egg question
05:06.3
Pero sa tingin ko
05:07.7
Isa sa mga manifestation of toxic masculinity
05:10.0
Is precisely what you were mentioning
05:11.8
Hindi tayo incentivize bilang mga lalaki
05:15.5
I mean, I remember
05:17.2
One of the few times
05:18.3
We had like heart-to-heart discussion
05:21.0
With some of my cousins
05:21.9
Na very macho guys
05:23.1
Is when, you know
05:24.4
Something horrible happened in their relationship
05:26.2
You know, yung babae
05:27.6
Gumawa ng something terribly bad
05:30.0
And they were like completely devastated
05:32.5
They couldn't put up the front na
05:34.3
All the pride and, you know
05:37.0
And then like almost magbe-breakdown na
05:38.7
And of all people
05:39.9
Siguro na feel nila
05:41.3
Medyo mas matinong kausap
05:42.7
Kaysa yung mga ibang tao
05:43.7
Baka pagtawanan ako
05:44.5
So doon ko na realize
05:45.6
We really have this kind of a semi-toxic culture
05:48.0
Where men are disincentivized
05:50.0
From having this kind of vocabulary
05:52.2
Of moral and emotional conversation
05:54.2
If I can put it that way
05:56.0
It's a manifestation also
05:57.8
Of a toxic masculinity
05:58.7
So I don't mean toxic masculinity na
06:02.5
Or say things like that
06:04.2
But it's also yung ano eh
06:05.7
Yung lack of this kind of a culture of
06:10.5
Showing vulnerability
06:11.8
Being emotionally
06:14.9
If I can put it that way
06:16.1
Di ba? I mean, I don't know
06:17.1
What is your take on that?
06:18.3
Before we go back to the father figure issue
06:20.0
Because makakonek din natin sa OFW phenomenon eh
06:23.1
There's also a sociological
06:25.0
But I just want to take your point of view on that also
06:28.7
Yung vocabulary of moral, emotional conversation
06:32.3
Parang disincentivized tayo sa Pilipinas
06:34.3
As a matter of fact
06:35.9
Hindi lang sa Pilipinas
06:36.7
And all over the world
06:37.6
Relatively, sorry
06:39.3
I just wanted to say relatively
06:40.5
Relatively, sorry about
06:43.1
But at the same time
06:44.2
Yes, as much as I do agree with you on that
06:46.3
I think, alam mo ano
06:47.9
Let me give you an example of
06:50.7
A conversation I had with a group of my friends
06:55.0
When the guys and the girls were talking
06:57.7
A friend of ours just got married
06:59.8
Ang sabi ng friend o
07:01.0
Ibig sabihin yung guy friend namin
07:04.2
Alam mo ba ibig sabihin yan?
07:05.8
Happy wife, happy life
07:09.3
When you're married na
07:10.2
Throw your opinion away
07:12.0
It's only her opinion
07:13.1
She's always right
07:14.1
You always say sorry
07:15.0
Kahit na mali siya
07:16.8
And it was meant as a joke
07:18.9
And then I realized
07:20.0
A lot of guys have this mentality na
07:22.5
Parang ganun dapat ang buhay niya
07:24.1
Parang ganun dapat ang buhay niya
07:24.2
And then I realized
07:27.8
That the man has to also be respected
07:31.8
Has to also be heard
07:33.6
And to be properly
07:35.2
To be able to play their proper gender roles
07:41.2
Delineation of gender roles
07:44.2
Is what's causing a lot of these problems
07:47.0
And in the Philippines it's not as bad
07:49.7
I feel bad for a lot of males in the US
07:52.7
And I think that's why
07:53.5
I think that's why
07:54.2
I mean this is gonna be
07:55.1
Going off on a tangent
07:56.8
But that's why there's a lot of mass shootings
07:58.2
In the States by a lot of these men
07:59.9
And it's because they're
08:06.5
Yung karamihan sa kanila eh
08:07.6
So I feel that that's what's causing
08:09.6
A lot of the problems
08:10.5
That we see in the world
08:11.4
So that's my take on it eh
08:14.3
I mean the thing that's the one
08:15.8
In the case of US
08:16.9
Or some of the Western countries
08:18.2
There's another dynamic to that
08:19.7
About the whole Me Too movement
08:23.0
Well let's be honest
08:25.4
A little bit of that
08:26.2
Was abused here and there
08:27.4
So it created this kind of a
08:28.9
Toxic masculinity backlash
08:31.2
Hence the rise of Andrew Tate
08:33.1
Or popularity of people like
08:35.0
Providing I don't know
08:35.8
Psychological counsel
08:36.7
And sometimes a little bit more than that
08:38.4
So I'm not romanticizing
08:40.3
What's happening in the West
08:41.4
And I think to a certain degree
08:43.1
Dahil medyo Americanized
08:44.2
Westernized on Pilipinas
08:45.3
We're seeing more pitik-pitik here
08:47.0
But there's definitely peculiarities
08:48.8
About the Philippine culture
08:49.8
But the other thing you mentioned here
08:52.2
Is the fodder figure
08:56.5
Even if my dad was
09:01.0
He always tried to be
09:01.9
The kind of fodder figure to me
09:03.6
And that was very important
09:04.4
Also my grandfather
09:06.0
So always as a man
09:07.4
I felt the shadow
09:08.3
Of my forefathers
09:09.4
Who gave me my family
09:11.3
Weighed heavily on my shoulders
09:13.9
In terms of keeping me honest
09:15.0
So yung maayos ka
09:15.7
Wag mo sirahan yung pangalan
09:16.7
So I 100% agree with you
09:21.1
I think there's also
09:23.5
Where you need the Philippines
09:25.2
Ang laki ng percentage
09:26.6
Ng population natin
09:30.4
Have to go abroad
09:31.9
And that inevitably
09:33.4
Had certain impact
09:34.5
On the family structure
09:36.5
I know complicated yan
09:37.9
In the sense that
09:38.5
There's also the aspect
09:39.8
Of the mother going away
09:41.5
And the father being left behind
09:43.1
And then yung tatay
09:45.8
Hindi natin kailangang sabihin
09:46.9
Yung mga movies ni Vilma Santos
09:49.4
So I think the family structure
09:51.0
Also really suffered
09:52.3
In the Philippines
09:59.8
Bayani sila para sa akin
10:02.4
Mga OFW na kaubayan
10:05.0
They would have stayed
10:05.6
Back in the country
10:06.9
There's some people
10:11.6
That were working
10:12.2
In very difficult
10:13.1
Places in the world
10:14.7
Na walang democracy
10:18.3
They're not doing it
10:19.1
Because they would love
10:20.5
It was really out of
10:24.6
Maybe may kinalaman din ito
10:26.6
We pay the social
10:40.1
We're not exporting
10:41.6
Our labor anymore
10:45.1
A lot of the social
10:45.9
Ills that we're seeing
10:49.9
Now going back to this
10:57.5
Ang undertape type
10:60.0
You know what I'm saying
11:02.5
I know there's like
11:04.3
Some crazy podcasters
11:05.9
Out there and all
11:10.4
Positive role model effect
11:15.7
Let's just put it that way
11:24.3
Do you think that
11:25.3
It's also in common upon us
11:27.2
To step up to the plate
11:28.5
I mean not necessarily
11:29.8
I mean I'm just saying
11:31.1
You mga who were a bit
11:33.0
Who had good father figures
11:35.5
Walang toxic masculinity
11:36.7
Even if mayong pagka-matcha
11:39.9
And I think naman
11:43.7
And speaking our minds
11:48.2
I was just checking
11:48.7
My YouTube audience
12:01.8
But it was surprising
12:03.0
Because it was not
12:06.6
General population
12:07.5
It was definitely
12:08.2
More skewed towards males
12:12.6
To speak our minds
12:15.2
Critical thinkers
12:18.0
To look at things
12:19.1
And be healthy skeptics
12:23.2
To be able to speak up
12:24.4
And not be afraid
12:26.1
When you don't have
12:29.5
Parang figurehead
12:31.3
That you can look up to
12:32.8
You tend to look at
12:35.5
Like the Dutertes
12:39.4
Religion plays a big part
12:41.0
In how Filipinos are
12:43.1
We're a very religious country
12:47.0
Political figures
12:48.0
In a very similar way
12:49.0
Where they're both
12:51.7
And there's a lot
12:54.2
Of idolatry going on
12:55.8
Kind of what replaces that
12:57.4
Looking for a father figure
13:04.3
Celebrating the Women's Month
13:09.8
About shortcomings
13:10.6
Of men in general
13:12.0
And this is not a judgment
13:13.0
On a particular person
13:13.8
I think we just have some
13:15.0
Cultural problems
13:16.3
You have to deal with
13:17.1
As male as Filipino males
13:22.8
But this is what I like
13:23.7
About talking to people
13:25.8
Completely spontaneous
13:26.6
Is there any advice
13:28.8
To the younger men
13:30.6
How to better value
13:34.0
Whether it's their mom
13:35.1
It's their sister
13:35.9
It's their girlfriend
13:36.9
It's their future wife
13:39.4
I mean from your own
13:41.0
Without going hugot and all
13:45.6
Sa mga kalalakihan
13:48.9
That you play your role
13:51.6
In a relationship
13:52.5
You need to learn
13:55.4
When I say courageous
13:56.3
Speak up when you need to
13:59.9
What you need to defend
14:00.8
Whether it's your views
14:07.2
That supports women
14:14.9
If you ask a lot of
14:15.8
The working women
14:16.4
If you had a choice
14:17.3
To just stay home
14:22.0
To take care of kids
14:25.1
I'd just rather stay home
14:26.2
It's not easy to be
14:28.5
And the problem is
14:29.9
They're doing that
14:30.6
Because they don't have a choice
14:32.9
A lot of the guys out there
14:38.6
At kumita na kayo
14:42.3
I don't wanna say
14:43.7
Make men sound really bad
14:45.4
Pero pag makita mo
14:46.4
Ang daming tambay
14:47.7
Mga lalaki karamihan
14:50.2
Ng babaeng tumatambay
14:54.8
Sa mga kalalakihan dyan
14:56.3
Na tumatambay lang
14:57.3
O tumatambo lang ginagawa
15:00.2
Kahit anong klaseng trabaho
15:01.2
Just an honest job
15:04.3
That kind of discipline
15:05.6
Is important to develop character
15:07.2
That's the kind of advice
15:08.6
I would like to give
15:09.3
All of the men out there
15:10.5
Speaking of tambay
15:13.5
I think that would be
15:14.3
A good transition also
15:15.2
To our next topic
15:16.4
Marami nakatambay dyan
15:17.9
But you never know
15:21.0
You never know bro
15:23.2
Baka nakaiga lang yan
15:24.6
Pero nagsicheck ng crypto
15:26.4
I'm just saying bro
15:31.1
Punit-punit na shirt
15:36.7
NFT king yung mga yan
15:38.1
But I completely appreciate
15:39.1
In fact one thing I really like
15:40.3
Also about what you mentioned
15:42.1
The whole under the saya
15:44.0
Kind of discourse
15:45.3
I think it's very toxic also
15:46.8
In the sense that
15:51.0
It sets up people
15:52.6
For a suboptimal marriage
15:57.8
And then sa labas
15:59.5
Naghanap ng ibang
16:00.7
Interlocutor yung lalaki
16:02.5
Under the saya ka lang
16:04.9
Maghanap ka pa rin
16:06.1
Ng kausap somewhere else
16:07.3
And you said something very well
16:08.6
This is about partnership
16:09.7
It's not gonna be
16:14.0
But you have to make it work
16:17.5
This is something
16:18.3
New to some people
16:19.4
Kasi padre da familia
16:20.6
And all those traditional
16:21.4
But also you don't want
16:23.4
The opposite version
16:25.1
The man doesn't feel
16:27.3
Comfortable to have
16:28.0
Any kind of constructive conversation
16:30.7
Si madam ng bahala
16:31.9
Si mami ng bahala
16:32.9
And that's where I think
16:33.9
A lot of problems emerge
16:35.0
There's no conversation
16:36.1
There's no partnership
16:38.4
Where things could go from there
16:41.1
Richard I wanna add
16:43.0
That's really interesting
16:44.9
One thing that will happen
16:47.0
When a man does not speak up
16:51.6
His voice is not valued
16:57.0
Becoming a liability
17:01.6
Or resent the man
17:06.6
That sounds like a great idea
17:07.8
Pero actually being under
17:09.7
The woman will eventually
17:13.6
And then it'll start
17:15.2
The man will be strong
17:17.0
There will always be a power play
17:19.5
The man has to be strong
17:20.1
The man has to be strong
17:20.3
And the man and the woman
17:23.2
But the man cannot just
17:24.3
Give into that power play
17:26.9
And be submissive to that
17:29.0
Women like a strong man
17:34.1
A strong man means
17:35.2
Just having a foundation
17:36.2
Becoming the wind
17:37.6
Beneath their wings
17:38.5
The wall that they can
17:41.5
When they need to
17:42.3
So the women can also be strong
17:46.5
Means that we have
17:51.5
We're doing the same thing
17:55.9
There are circumstances
17:57.2
Where the woman works
17:57.9
The man stays home
18:06.3
In a very bad way
18:10.4
The other version is unhealthy
18:12.0
Like overcompensation
18:13.3
In terms of fighting
18:17.3
But having said that
18:18.4
One of the things
18:19.1
That I always appreciate
18:19.9
About the Philippines
18:20.5
Is if you look at
18:22.8
Pre-Hispanic culture
18:25.2
Babay land culture
18:32.3
That unfortunately
18:35.5
Ang kanilang patriarchy
18:37.1
But I think it's coming back
18:38.5
I mean if you look
18:39.1
At the strength of
18:39.9
The feminist movement
18:41.7
In the Philippines
18:42.4
You look at overall
18:43.2
Gender equity numbers
18:44.5
And number of Filipinos
18:48.5
I think there are
18:49.2
Very few countries
18:51.8
Non-Western world
18:53.9
So that just tells you
18:56.8
How amazing our women are
18:58.1
That despite all of this
18:59.4
Structural impediments
19:02.3
They're still there
19:03.1
But I think that's not an excuse
19:04.9
The reason I'm citing
19:06.4
Is that I always hear
19:08.6
Mga kababayan sa atin
19:11.0
It creates a false
19:18.7
The problems they're there
19:19.9
That doesn't mean
19:20.8
Some fundamental problems
19:23.3
Toxic masculinity
19:25.1
But you're also right
19:28.3
Or father figures
19:30.8
This is something
19:31.8
We have to work on
19:34.3
Is very important
19:35.7
How do you make sure
19:36.8
That you don't only
19:38.3
Provide economically
19:41.9
And as you can see
19:43.6
I'm not referring to
19:44.8
Any religious tradition here
19:46.1
Because I'm trying to be
19:46.8
As secular and fair
19:49.9
Yeah that's understandable
19:53.8
The way it's going
19:56.8
For us to be able to
19:58.2
To break that cycle
20:00.1
There are so many
20:03.4
There are so many men
20:07.1
Let me just rephrase that
20:08.4
There are so few men
20:15.5
Whether it's financially
20:19.6
Being responsible
20:23.8
That women don't have
20:25.9
And I think that's why
20:28.6
Going after the same men
20:30.6
And there's a lot of
20:31.6
Cheating going on
20:38.8
Those politicians
20:44.1
That's why I take on it
20:46.7
It's a bit tricky
20:50.0
You want to be honest
20:51.4
You don't want to be
20:51.9
Completely politically incorrect
20:53.6
You want to be forward looking
20:56.1
I appreciate this
20:56.9
This is completely spontaneous
20:58.1
I didn't see this kind of
20:59.1
Discussion coming
21:00.3
It's a discussion
21:01.5
And siguro in the future
21:02.9
Also more conversations
21:05.2
More about Filipino culture
21:07.7
And some of the things
21:10.3
They're just left unsaid
21:12.3
But they have to be articulated
21:14.2
They have to come out
21:16.4
Thank you so much
21:18.3
For that fantastic
21:19.7
So that sets the tone
21:22.3
Na mukhang tambay lang
21:25.3
Pag-usapan natin yan
