* AI ("Artificial Intelligence") subtitles on Tagalog.com are generated using "Whisper" by OpenAI (the same company that created ChatGPT and DallE2). Results and accuracy may vary.
* The subtitles do include errors occasionally and should only be used as a tool to help with your listening practice.
* You can request this website to create a transcript for a video if one doesn't already exist by clicking the "Request AI Subtitles" button below a video. Transcribing usually takes 30-40% of the length of a video to complete if there are no other videos in
the queue. For example, a 21 minute video will take 7-8 minutes to transcribe.
* Running a super fast cloud GPU server to do these transcriptions does cost money. If you have the desire and financial ability, consider
becoming a patron
to support these video transcriptions, and the other tools and apps built by Tagalog.com
00:00.0
To accompany to the podium, Jerry Seinfeld,
00:27.7
candidate for the Honorary Degree of Doctor of Arts.
00:40.8
Thank you, Mr. Speaker.
00:57.7
As Chair of the Academic Council,
01:09.3
I am pleased to confer upon you
01:11.5
the Honorary Degree of Doctor of Arts.
01:22.8
We appreciate it.
01:31.6
What a beautiful day.
01:32.8
What a beautiful class.
01:36.0
We love you guys.
01:43.6
at the gracious invitation of President Price
01:46.4
and the Duke Board of Trustees
01:47.8
because after spending four years
01:50.6
at what is considered
01:51.6
one of the finest institutions
01:53.2
of higher education in the world,
01:55.2
they apparently feel that perhaps
01:57.7
some light entertainment
01:59.7
will get you all to the final realization,
02:03.7
I think I've really had enough of this place.
02:06.7
I can't imagine how sick you are
02:10.7
of hearing about following your passion.
02:14.7
the hell with passion.
02:16.7
Find something you can do that would be great.
02:20.7
If you try something and it doesn't work,
02:25.7
Most things do not work.
02:27.7
Most things are not good.
02:31.7
Privilege is a word that has taken
02:33.7
quite a beating lately.
02:35.7
Privilege today seems to be
02:37.7
the worst thing you can have.
02:39.7
I would like to take a moment to defend it.
02:43.7
Again, a lot of you are thinking,
02:45.7
I can't believe they invited this guy.
02:51.7
use your privilege.
02:53.7
I grew up a Jewish boy from New York.
02:55.7
That is a privilege if you want to be
03:03.7
If I messed up a funny story
03:05.7
around my relatives,
03:07.7
that's not how you tell that joke.
03:09.7
The prostitute has to be behind the drapes
03:11.7
when the wife comes in.
03:14.7
You went to Duke.
03:15.7
That is an unbelievable privilege.
03:18.7
I now have an honorary doctorate,
03:20.7
a humane letters degree
03:22.7
from Duke University.
03:23.7
And if I can figure out a way to use that,
03:27.7
I haven't figured anything out yet.
03:30.7
I think it's pretty much as useful
03:32.7
in real life as this outfit I'm wearing.
03:36.7
And this is probably the biggest point
03:38.7
I would like to make to you here today
03:42.7
I'm going to try and reach across
03:44.7
a couple generations here to tell you
03:46.7
the most important thing I am confident
03:48.7
that I know about life.
03:52.7
You are just starting.
03:54.7
I only want to help you.
03:56.7
The slightly uncomfortable feeling
03:58.7
of awkward humor is okay.
04:01.7
It's not something you need to fix.
04:03.7
I totally admire the ambitions
04:05.7
of your generation
04:07.7
to create a more just and inclusive society.
04:10.7
I think it is also wonderful
04:12.7
that you care so much
04:14.7
about not hurting other people's feelings
04:16.7
in the million and one ways
04:18.7
we all do that every second of every day.
04:20.7
It's lovely to want to fix those things.
04:23.7
But, all caps, but,
04:25.7
what I need to tell you as a comedian,
04:27.7
do not lose your sense of humor.
04:29.7
You can have no idea at this point in your life
04:31.7
how much you are going to need it
04:35.7
Not enough of life makes sense
04:37.7
for you to be able to survive it
04:40.7
And I know all of you here
04:42.7
are going to use all of your brains
04:44.7
and muscle and soul to improve the world
04:46.7
and I know you're going to do
04:50.7
And when you're done,
04:54.7
I bet the world, because of you,
04:56.7
will be a much better place.
04:58.7
But it will still not make
05:00.7
a whole hell of a lot of sense.
05:02.7
It'll be a better, different,
05:04.7
but still pretty insane mess.
05:07.7
And it is worth the sacrifice
05:09.7
of an occasional discomfort
05:11.7
to have some laughs.
05:15.7
Even if it's at the cost of
05:16.7
occasional hard feelings,
05:18.7
it's okay, you gotta laugh.
05:19.7
That is the one thing at the end of your life
05:21.7
you will not wish you did less of.
05:23.7
Humor is the most powerful,
05:25.7
most survival, essential quality
05:27.7
you will ever have or need
05:29.7
to navigate through the human experience.
05:32.7
The other thing I see going on
05:34.7
that throws a lot of people,
05:39.7
I was hoping you'd like that part.
05:41.7
Go get them, Duke class of 24.
05:44.7
Throw the hat up.
05:45.7
Let's get out of here.
